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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26366071">A Demon's Faith</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serena_Rose/pseuds/Serena_Rose'>Serena_Rose</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Good Place (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feelings Realization, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Suicidal Thoughts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:42:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,659</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26366071</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serena_Rose/pseuds/Serena_Rose</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Eleanor decides to confess her feelings and make a decision at the moment Michael needs to hear it most.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Michael (The Good Place)/Eleanor Shellstrop</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>59</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>A Demon's Faith</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I felt like we in the Hellstrop fandom needed some fluff and happy endings so I wrote this short little feelings confession piece. TW for mentions of suicidal thoughts, as usual I am going through some stuff and it played into what I wrote but for once I didn't want to channel too much angst into these poor babies. I kinda wanted to remind myself why I actually want them to be together and have a cute moment.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>“Hey, buddy.”</p><p>Fork, those two words.</p><p>He could write a song about his entire rewed existence with those words as the starting lyrics. Always said with such softness out of an otherwise harsh pair of lips, at least at the start. She speaks softer and kinder to most nowadays but, there had been a time, when most of her hidden caring nature had been reserved for him alone. A selfish part of him missed being the lone recipient of that, while the rest of him thrilled with pride at her growth.</p><p>It’s those words which pull him back down to reality from where his mind had been dangerously leaning over the side of this bell tower for most of the night.</p><p>He’s about to turn to her but she’s quick to seat herself beside him, not afraid to dangle her legs over the ledge, despite the thirty-foot drop to the pavement below.</p><p>“What are you doing here?” The words come out sharper than he intends them to.</p><p>“I would ask you the same thing but when I asked Janet where you were, she said you were here and when I asked why, she said she didn’t know but you had your ‘brooding demon face on’.” Eleanor says with a warm smile.</p><p>That raises further questions.</p><p>For one, she’s still in her pyjama t-shirt and spotted pants. There’s not even a pair of slippers on her bare feet. Michael quickly adjusts the temperature with a wave of his hand so it’s not too brisk out. He can tell by the way her hair is slightly mussed and the crinkles at the corner of her eyes, she’s already been to bed already tonight.</p><p>“Why were you looking for me in the middle of the night? Is there something wrong with the experiment or…Oh.” It takes a while but he sees it, the scutter of a dark wisp in her forehead; “…Bad dream?”</p><p>She nods and shrugs.</p><p>“Something like that…Actually, fork being coy, exactly like that.” She sighs, holding onto the ledge.</p><p>Michael almost forgets the reason he’s up here, his focus honing in on the shaken human at his side. He shifts a little, edging backwards.</p><p>“We can sit away from here if you want-.”</p><p>“No, no,” She stills him with a hand on his wrist; “You picked a good emo zone, dude, let’s use it to its advantage.” Eleanor glances behind them; “That bell isn’t about to go off and scare the crab out of me anytime soon, will it?”</p><p>He waves his hand again; “There, it’s muted. I hope no one is planning to use it as an alarm.”</p><p>“Chidi’s probably doing late-night reading at his place and is gonna freak out when he doesn’t hear that it’s time he should get to sleep.” Eleanor says with a rather amused grin; “Ah, Simone can tell him off for having an all-nighter in the morning. Someone needs to reign that jacked nerd in.”</p><p>It was odd, watching her talk about Chidi lately. It had been several months into the experiment now and she no longer seemed to hesitate before saying his name. There wasn’t the same wince when she spoke about him and his new ‘soul mate’ being together. It felt incredibly casual, as if she was ‘over him’, which felt ridiculous to Michael as they hadn’t even technically broken up. Had they?</p><p>All the little moments that him and Eleanor have shared together through the year so far, as close as they’ve ever been before, despite the moments of mistrust and hurt, it’s been some of the most wonderful moments of Michael’s existence. The shy looks and secret smiles exchanged over a desk or at lunch or sat together on a couch before laughing at the next blooper reel on TV had made him feel warmer than the six thousand feet of flames that coated his previous form.</p><p>But he knows his place. He understands what they are, where the boundaries lie. And he’s content with that. He won’t allow himself to dream of…more. Not when he knows she already has that in her life.</p><p>That she will always want that which he can never give her but someone far more deserving can.</p><p>“What’s up with you, bud? You can’t pull the bad dream excuse, you don’t even sleep.” Eleanor quips.</p><p>He glances to his lap; “No, I don’t sleep. But demons can still day-dream and get pretty lost in them, the same way you humans do with nightmares. It’s why we try to keep working, keep busy, so we don’t get lost in all the billions of years of memories. Especially when most of them are things you would rather…”</p><p>Michael raises his fingers in the air.</p><p>A hand reaches across and grabs at his wrist.</p><p>“Don’t you even think about it, bro.” She warns with steel in her eyes; “I don’t care what inner demons you got going on in there, you’re not erasing your own forking mind and leaving us with a pre-ethical Michael or, worse, a drooling vegetable-.”</p><p>“I was just making a gesture!”</p><p>Eleanor narrows her eyes at him.</p><p>“Seriously! I physically can’t erase my own memory!” He tells her straight. What he doesn’t tell her is that he knows this from experience, from his darker moments in the past two years; “Will you stop crushing my hand now, please?”</p><p>She hums, accepting, pulling her hand back to her side.</p><p>“Is that why you’re up here? You thinking about…?” She points to the train station.</p><p>It had been a while since he’d returned from his old home with Jason and their real Janet, safe and rescued. That had been a rough patch during the year, probably their darkest moment, at least between their little team and not involving the human subjects. Many hurtful things had been said, many risks almost taken in vain, lies uncovered and trust shattered. Michael had never been so scared, not simply for his best friend being tortured, but for the human he adored and worried would never trust him again.</p><p>Only. She did. Yes, it had taken something more drastic than Michael would have liked, but it had been worth it to see that glow around her head and the flames crackle in her eyes as she had looked at him, assured him that she had a newfound trust in him. One that was clearly much stronger than anything that lay before.</p><p>
  <em>“That’s about the most Michael thing you could do.”</em>
</p><p>It hadn’t been until he arrived back from the Bad Place that they truly were able to build off of that newly set foundation. The first thing Eleanor had done after they arrived back was arrange a fun night out for the five of them, drinks and dancing and bowling and karaoke. It had been incredible. Tahani had to leave early for get together with John, which had left Janet and Jason reuniting on the dance floor, and Eleanor asking for Michael’s hand so they weren’t the only couple hogging the dance floor.</p><p>Her arms had been around his neck and he’d held her close, realising how close he had come to losing her forever, both from his lies and their fallout and then almost being captured in the Bad Place. The relief had been overwhelming, resulting in tears spilled on her shoulder. Which were fine because she was soaking his jacket in return.</p><p>He had promised to never lie again. She had promised to always trust him. And every look they had shared between them since that night was a constant reassurance.</p><p>But none of it erased that which he still hadn’t been able to share with her. Or anyone.</p><p>“There was a photo of me on the wall, back there…” Michael finally lets out; “Probably taken about two hundred years before I even met you guys. My Employee of the Bearimy portrait.”</p><p>“…Is this about the Hotness Contest? Dude, I swear, you’re a shoe-in for next week!”</p><p>“It’s not about that!” He deflects, though yes it does annoy the fork out of him that he gets teased every week with no result. All one big excuse so she could watch him do some squats before breakfast each morning.</p><p>“Sorry, sorry. Continue.”</p><p>“I just…I hated seeing that old version of me. The evil creep smiling, so proud of himself for having disembowelled and mutilated people for a shred of recognition. I thought I made it go away when I blew up Vicky in that copy of my suit.” He confesses; “…But that face is still there. I can’t smile at myself in the mirror because of it. Do I still look like that much of a jerk when I do smile because, please tell me, I’m all for trying out a new smile! Less teeth or more teeth?”</p><p>“Michael-”</p><p>“Maybe I can be one of those people who never smile but just do a weird thing with their eyebrows-.”</p><p>Eleanor starts giggling and takes his hands in hers; “Michael, buddy, look at me…”</p><p>He stops his babbling. It always seems to happen that he talks too much when he’s flustered. And Eleanor has a habit of bringing that out in him, especially when they’re alone together like this.</p><p>She smiles and reaches to touch his face, her thumb caressing the corner of his lip.</p><p>“I wouldn’t change this smile for the world, okay. It’s definitely not an evil demon’s smile.” Eleanor whispers; “It’s the smile of a wonderful, adorable, centuries old dork with the mind of a hyper teenager. It’s the smile of the sweetest and bravest demon who ever existed. It’s the smile of the person who was willing to sacrifice themselves, twice, for the sake of a bunch of cockroaches. That’s my favorite Michaely smile so don’t you go taking it away from me.”</p><p>He feels the heat rise in his cheeks. Damn it, now he can’t stop smiling, whether it’s because she likes it or he just feels like he has to, he’s not even sure. At least he can be sure that the old version of himself in the portrait never blushed.</p><p>The old version of him never knew how it felt to be in love.</p><p>Present Michael, however…</p><p>Not only did he have centuries of confusing feelings of loathing morphing into attraction, he also had a month of befriending his greatest rival, two years of unrequited pining, and then these past months of nights out and sleepovers and working together and sharing almost every waking moment together, or even with the others, it always feeling almost as if it was just him and the most fascinating human he’d ever met, against the universe.</p><p>The human whose soft touches and close presence had become a constant part of his existence recently. The human whose eyes always seemed to linger on him almost as much as his own struggled to look away from her.</p><p>“I get it though. I get how it feels to not like looking back at who you were.” Eleanor tells him, still stroking his jawline; “And I know, hot trashbag who scammed the sick and elderly isn’t quite on the same level as mass torturer but, end of the day, we were both just lonely losers, twisted up and given crabby jobs that gave us a reason to feel less crabby about ourselves. It’s not an out but, we’ve both proved we’re not beyond saving. Beyond change. Isn’t that the whole point of…” she gestures to the town; “This?”</p><p>Michael nods; “To prove <em>humans</em> can change. I’m not so sure about…my kind.”</p><p>“You’ve changed as good as I have, bud, sometimes even better.” She slips her arms around his neck and leans into him; “I can still be a deck, I still lash out and assume the worst…Fork, I nearly let you blow yourself up because I was so quick to doubt you. Have I apologised enough-?”</p><p>“Roughly twenty times, rounding up, yes Eleanor.” It’s his turn to laugh a little now; “And I keep telling you, it’s fine. I’m the one who lied, I’m the one who’s always lied and who spent centuries torturing you, it’s understandable. I honestly spend too much time wondering why you guys don’t lock me in a void or send me away purely for what I’ve done to you. I swear, sometimes you being so nice and friendly to me is worse because I keep remembering the pain I’ve caused and remember how I used to smile at it like that bozo in the portrait did and I…”</p><p>He takes a deep breath and reaches inside his jacket.</p><p>When he takes out what was tucked inside the inner pocket, Eleanor releases him and reels back with a small gasp.</p><p>“Dude, what the fork are you doing with that?” She snaps.</p><p>“Relax. It’s not armed…yet.” He tells her, which does little to calm her down, going by the red bubbles popping around her eyes; “You don’t think I’d be dumb enough to leave it in the Bad Place?”</p><p>“No, I thought you’d put it in Janet’s void or something, why do you need to carry it in on you? Janet does daily scans, she knows there’s no other demons in this place and we’d know if a train arrived.” Eleanor frets, “Seriously, Michael, I really don’t like you keeping hold of that thing…As hot as the image of you zapping other demons with it is.”</p><p>“Oh, you should ask Janet for the footage of me blowing Vicky up, it’s great! Really makes me look badash.” He at least can say that about himself. He glances down at the metal again, his mouth twitching; “Also…I think it serves as a reminder to keep myself in line.”</p><p>He turns the device over in his palms, still remembering the terror pumping through him as he thought he was about to give up his precious human form, about to say goodbye to his friends for months, if not forever if they decided to be rid of him for good. Recently, however, ever since coming back from the Bad Place, and from observing the humans learning to be better, he’s started to see annihilation less as a threat…and more as a gift.</p><p>A gift of freedom. A gift of being able to escape from all of this and never have to worry about falling back into his old ways. Never worry about the possibility of hurting his friends again, even when he’d never mean to, would sooner be retired…</p><p>“How often have you thought about blowing yourself up with that?” Eleanor asks, quietly. Afraid.</p><p>Oh. Oh, please don’t be scared. It's the last thing he ever wants.</p><p>“…Too often, maybe.”</p><p>She reaches her hand out with a heavy sigh; “Give it to me. Please, Michael.”</p><p>He doesn’t need to hear the crack in her voice to obey.</p><p>“I’d rather you had it, actually.” He says, “You’re the human I trust most in all this Universe. I trust you to be able to tell when I’m not…safe around you all anymore. I trust you to be able to make that call.”</p><p>He places the device in her quivering palms. Her fingers refuse to grip it, staying outstretched, as if ready to hand it back.</p><p>Eleanor’s eyes look up at him and he’s rather aghast to find tears spring up to be quickly caught in her eyelashes. She looks…hurt. Michael swallows the regret. She misunderstood. He wasn’t being spiteful. Of course, he’s truly willing to place his ‘life’, more or less, in her hands. She was right to make the call before, he believes that, as he was a liability, Vicky or not. And her intuition, her perception skills, are almost super-human. More than that, she’s proven to him since then how much their friendship means, how strong their bond really is.</p><p>It was supposed to be a gesture of faith.</p><p>“…Dude. I’m the last person you should ever…”</p><p>“Eleanor, listen.” He tells her, turning towards her; “I’ve come across a lot of godlike figures in all these realms while I’ve existed. Demons and angels and immortal judges and giant pancakes and frog overlords. But out of all of them, the entire forking pantheon of insane or inept dimwits, there’s only one being that I’ve found myself believing in.”</p><p>He closes her fingers around the device.</p><p>“You.”</p><p>Eleanor sniffs and returns his smile.</p><p>“Right then.” She takes a breath; "As the designated Goddess, let this be my first divine act.”</p><p>Pulling her arm back, she hurls the gun into the air, the two of them watching as it spins against the navy sky before tumbling down and smashing into tiny pieces next to the fountain.</p><p>Eleanor dusts her hands off.</p><p>“And my first commandment is that you start forking talking about this stuff that’s making you wanna punch your own ticket like that.” She reaches for his wrist; “I know I asked you when you came back and you said you didn’t want to share what went on down there and, you don’t have to say it to me but…Janet, Tahani, even Jason is a surprisingly good listener.”</p><p>That is true. In fact, it was often Jason’s words of comfort that he had said on their ride back which often pulled him back from the brink of despair.</p><p>“…It’s not me, is it? Like, anything I might’ve said or-.” Her voice wavers, just for a moment, and it’s enough to break Michael’s non-existent heart.</p><p>“No, no, Eleanor.” He says, turning to her; “It’s all…stupid stuff in my own head, ghosts haunting me, metaphorically speaking. You…You’re what keeps me hanging on. All of you, you’re what inspire me to keep going…”</p><p>It’s just that, being billions of years older and six thousand feet taller, it’s very often that his human friends wonderful encouragement often got lost beneath all of his regrets and endless list of sins. He glances across to the few scattered remains of the broken device.</p><p>His lips twist.</p><p>“Uhm…I appreciate what you were going for with the tossing, but…There is still a chance we might need that for protection.” He tells her, fighting against the swell of emotion building in his chest.</p><p>“Janet can make another one.” She shrugs.</p><p>He doesn’t remind her that it was Bad Janet who made the gun in the first place and could probably make another now that he’s released her and sent her home. He hopes for the best that that is the end of any demon potentially ending up in the same state as poor Glenn, who was hopefully reformed back to his old self by now, or at least in the CEO stage of growth.</p><p>Turning to his human companion, he’s once again overwhelmed by how she manages to surprise him.</p><p>“You didn’t ask me what my nightmare was about.” She says.</p><p>Oh. Now he feels like an insensitive ash, too busy moping about his own inner torment.</p><p>“I uh…assumed it was to do with…” He points towards Chidi’s apartment.</p><p>Eleanor shakes her head; “No…To be honest, as much as I think about Chidi every day, I…feel like I miss him less and less. And that’s probably not a good thing. In fact it’s…something I intend to discuss with him when he wakes up, among other issues…”</p><p>It wasn’t simply his imagination playing a cruel game with him. But. It couldn’t be. They were soul mates! He was all she ever wanted, every single time.</p><p>Wasn’t he?</p><p>“Oh, Eleanor, you’re not…Why would you ever want to…?” After all she went through to be together with Chidi. Would everything this year be enough to make her regret that?</p><p>She takes a breath and looks out again, the weight of her eyelids feeling heavy from a glance.</p><p>“I dunno for sure how I feel. And I can’t be sure if it will be the same once this is all over and he wakes up, but…There are things I’m not too happy about, with him. I’ve been talking to Janet and she thinks I might have put Chidi too high up on a pedestal, to the point I nearly lost my own identity and hers in her void fretting over him, when our relationship wasn’t as equally important to him…And that’s not healthy. I don’t think we are…as ‘perfect’ as I believed we were. It’s not all one big cute fanvid. There are real, deep things I need to talk to him about and, watching him be with Simone…and not being with me this year…Look. I can’t go into it with you because it’s between me and him but…”</p><p>She slides her fingers over to his, linking them gently.</p><p>“All I know right now is that I’ve had this wonderful, loving demon at my side for longer than I was even aware…” Eleanor whispers; “And I’m no longer having nightmares about missing Chidi. Instead my nightmares are about losing <em>you</em>.”</p><p>Michael stares at her hand in his. Is this…really happening? Did he fall and hit his head and this is his concussed delusion? That’s not physically possible for him but, who knows, he might have eaten something suspicious at Jason’s which is twisting the world around him.</p><p>Her touch is always so cool and soothing, quenching the constant burns beneath his suit.</p><p>“I could never blow you up, Michael, much less have you do it to yourself, or let you hurt yourself.” She tells him, earnestly; “No one, not even Chidi, has made me feel more special, more loved, than you. To you, I’m worth dying for…I’m worth <em>changing</em> for…I never thought it was possible to be loved so much.”</p><p>He suddenly wanted to curse every single fool who had made her question that.</p><p>“Oh, Eleanor.” He curls his fingers around hers and brings them to his lips, kissing them softly; “Of course you are! I’m the one who’s not worthy of being loved by any of you-.”</p><p>“Shut that cake hole of yours, dude.” She grins and presses a finger to his lips; “Because it’s not true. You earned that love and you’ve done nothing but deserve it since that day you managed to save our ashes with your roast speech.”</p><p>He feels that damn blush return as he looks down; “M’just lucky you’re so smart. You and Chidi, you both made me who I am together. He was the knowledge I needed…You were the wisdom.”</p><p>“Yeah, I’m pretty wisdomous.” She gloats, immediately undoing his previous compliment.</p><p>He bites his lip.</p><p>“….I wouldn’t wanna do anything to hurt him…” He whispers, thumb stroking over the back of her hand as he held her closer.</p><p>“One of us is gonna be hurt, no matter what. But if he sees that his friends are in love, if he understands that this is my choice now…Well. I know Chidi is wonderful enough to respect that. Hopefully he’ll still have Simone to help get over me and…we’ll still be friends.”</p><p>Michael sniffs, leaning his arm up to wipe his face with his sleeve. When did he start crying? Was it when Eleanor threw the gun away? It always fascinated him how easy it was not to notice the emotions leaking out, especially when caught in a moment like this.</p><p>“And if you do change your mind…if you guys work it out…I mean…we’ll still be friends right?” That means more to him than anything else, even the opportunity of becoming something ‘more’ with Eleanor.</p><p>The bond they have already, even if it is ‘just friends’, as much as he hates how that term understates how important it is, is too precious to ever sacrifice.</p><p>“Only if we’re the best, bud.” She leans closer and runs her hand over his hair; “…And I can’t promise my mind won’t change but, right now, I’m certain…to quote the cheesy ash song we nailed on stage the other night, you’re the one that I want.”</p><p>He stifles the urge to add on ‘honey, ooh ooh ooh’. That movie really was insane.</p><p>Michael dares to lean forward and brush his lips against hers, hands moving onto her forearms, tugging her closer. He tries to lean them towards the side, into the bell tower, so they don’t risk toppling off the edge. She tastes of mint toothpaste and midnight popcorn shrimp. She tastes of hope and trust and freedom. Suddenly that same reaction to picturing that demon exploder device resurfaces in his head and he can’t imagine why he would ever, for a single second, contemplate leaving her.</p><p>Her mouth gently sucks his bottom lip before she pulls back, only slightly, gazing up into his eyes with that same deep affection he’s seen from her since he came back.</p><p>“If you tell me right now that this was all just a trick to get me off this tower, I’m jumping, whether it makes me blow up or not.” He quips.</p><p>She laughs again, the fluttering pink lights dancing off her cheeks and he has to kiss both of them, there’s no holding back anymore.</p><p>“Why do you think I came looking for you, before I even knew you were up here, all mopey and shirt? I woke up from that dream and, all I wanted, was for you to be beside me when I woke up. For you to hold me in those freakishly long arms of yours and promise you won’t go away. It was time we were honest with each other. Because I know how little time we have left and there’s no forking way we’re going to our fates without you knowing just how much I love you, Michael, my gorgeous fire squid and honorary human. I really, really love you..”</p><p>And Eleanor Shellstrop doesn’t say those words to just anybody. Oh, fork.</p><p>“…I love you too, my beautiful cockroach.”</p><p>And there’s so much for them to talk about. So many past moments to look back on with fresh eyes.</p><p>Too many cheeky little confessions to fill in one night.</p><p>With a snap of his fingers, he summons two mugs of hot cocoa for them to enjoy. He takes his jacket off and drapes it around her shoulders, trying not to make fun of how it swamps her little frame. The residents must be very confused to hear so much giggling coming from the top of the bell tower.</p><p>Once the warm chocolate has been devoured, along with more marshmallows and cream than the drinks themselves, Michael sighs and pulls her into a hug, tugging her up onto his lap as he continues to sit with her until dawn starts to break. His arms hold her against his chest, his head leaning against her hair, before he looks out at the skyline again as the sky slowly brightens up.</p><p>“…Thank you for saving me. Again.”</p><p>It’s the closest he will come to admitting that he had sat there for an hour, thinking about arming the device, about taking himself away from all of them. For their own good. For the Universe.</p><p>Her broken sigh against him seems to confirm that’s what she suspected.</p><p>Were he not able to read her so well, if his faith in her wasn’t nearly as strong as it had been built to be, he might doubt any of the nice things she said to him as empty words to talk him out of making a huge mistake. But he knows her better than that. He can feel the love radiating off every cell in her body. It…makes him feel like the Universe is worth sticking around in.</p><p>“Well….I kinda owed you one, or a million, didn’t I.” She leans up and kisses his lips again, as the clock-tower bell rings silently behind them, welcoming the brand new day.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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